Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
