Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
