He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
