wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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