So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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