Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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