The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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