There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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