R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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