This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
