Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
