You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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