i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
