On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
