i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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