He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
