No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So squirting runs in the family.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
