Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
