Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
