Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this will be a night to untag.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
