Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
