My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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