And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
