Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
