I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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