I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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