Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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