strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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