I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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