two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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