you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
