i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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