My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
