I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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