I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
