my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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