If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
