Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
