woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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