all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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