So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
