I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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