I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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