She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
