you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
