He kissed a someone with a penis
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
