Pants 0. Shit 1.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
