She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
