Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
