She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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