please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
