Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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