perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
