First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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