she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
