Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
