Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
