I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
