Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
