Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
