Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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