I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
